However, if you have a high level of self-awareness and realise that you have become somebody you don’t want to be then this is already a great step. Truth be told, if you are showing contempt for others there is a good chance you no longer care about turning things around. So, what can the person showing contempt do differently? It is tangibly damaging, causes stress and can harm people emotionally, mentally and ultimately physically. It prevents trust and respect and makes it hard for any real human warmth. What happens when we show contempt?Ĭontempt destroys teams and relationships. Contempt can also come from a sense of moral superiority based on class, cultural or religious differences. This can leave a person feeling frustrated and angry and looking to establish some sort of “superiority”. Why do we do show contempt?įeelings of contempt are typically built up over time – negative experiences create their own story and, too often, nobody has tackled the situation effectively. When somebody shows contempt, they are actually communicating that they see themselves as better and worth more. You must be exhausted after having made so many mistakes”. “Wow, you’ve done better than I ever expected – even by your standards that’s truly great work Susanne. It can be seen in small gestures (eye-rolling when a colleague starts talking in a meeting, snorting at the mention of a project, a smirk or a single “hah” when a colleagues name is mentioned) to full on mocking and cruel statements e.g. As it has been built brick-by-brick over time, it is tough to dismantle, and is probably the most destructive behaviour amongst Gottman’s “Four Horsemen”.Ĭontempt can manifest itself as ongoing sarcasm, cynicism, insults and aggressive, belittling or mocking humour. We’ll end with what a manger can do when they see these behaviours within their teams.Ĭontempt is when somebody makes it clear that they feel somebody has no value and deserves no respect. We’ll explore why they happen, their impact and how both parties can change things for the better. This blog post will dive deeper into the last 2 toxic behaviours – and possibly the most damaging of the 4: stonewalling & contempt. In the second post, we looked at what you can do to tackle the toxic behaviours of criticizing & blaming and defensiveness. In the first post of this series, I introduced John Gottmann’s work on the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Healthy and respectful working relationships are a must if you want an effective and enjoyable workplace.
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